The Wonders of Life

Life works in mysterious ways...mmmmhmm....yes siree, it does. Glad to know that I passed all of  my classes although I didn't do so well in my IR course, nonetheless I passed! Woot! Only one semester of school stands between me and my diploma. 

Moral of the semester: I work too hard to not do well. 

2nd moral of the semester: Party/dancing/drinking does a body well.

3rd moral of the semester: Only I can make positive things happen in my life.

Part Deux: Journey to the Roots

As much as I'd like to spend more time in Mexico I don't think I could it as a native. I think this is where my conflict of am I "Mexican" comes from. I want to travel and see the whole country for myself. I'd like to see it from a literary point of view, or even an anthropological point of view. Maybe I'm not a "Mexican" maybe I'm a Latina. Today as I stood in the plaza (the public square) I pondered my identity as I took pictures of the church and plaza. Maybe I'm not Mexcian. Maybe I'm more of a Latina. I have been rejecting my identity as a Latina because I keep arguing that I am Mexican because both of my parents are Mexican. However my education and experiences proves otherwise. Perhaps me being a Latina is a good thing. I think it means that I embrace all of Latin America and everything that it encompasses. I often feel that through my educational experience both abroad and at Georgetown has shaped me to understand what all the peoples of Latin America experience both good and bad. The other night as I strolled through the plaza with my mom and extended family members we came across a stand that was selling these beautiful hand knit sweaters that are typical of the indigenous tribes of southern Mexico. Then I hear a female voice speak in an Indigenous language from the back of the stand. It was a lovely sensation to hear her voice travel through the air. Almost an exhilaration to hear her. I've only read about it and studied it in my classes, but now to get to hear first hand, it was a beautiful experience. I only wish I knew what Indigenous language she spoke, but I'm pretty sure that the woman also speaks Spanish. I saw her again today in the plaza as I was there eating ice cream with my cousins. I am really curious about her heritage. Only if I can get the courage to walk up to her and ask her about her indigenous roots. I really want to know more about her life. I'm sure its filled with all these lovely images as well with the ugly.

I don't know everything that is Mexico but I do have a good idea of what it means to live, breathe and experience Latin America. Maybe I'm not Mexican. Perhaps I am Mexican by descent and Latin American by choice. I am proud to be Mexican and be part of a beautiful culture. I know I fill in happily that little circle on forms that says "hispanic/Mexican/Latino" there's something in identifying myself as part of this culture that makes me happy. I know that I am different, yes I am a minority but I wouldn't have it any other way. Its taught me to appreciate life and everything in it. Its also taught me to count my blessings, love my family and friends and work hard to achieve all that may be. I may not be a legacy but I hope to one day to establish my own family and start my own legacy. The legacy that my progeny will be successful and attend the best universities and schools in the United States. Some may view legacies as a bad thing but I see it as a good thing. Legacy makes you rise to the expectations and to continue to work hard because those that came before you have worked hard and achieved so much. Being a legacy, therefore forces you to continue to work hard and to surpass the achievements of those that have come before you. Or it can also be argued that I am myself a first generation legacy but surpassing my parents and their life achievements. Maybe now its just up to me to make sure that my progeny continue the legacy tradition and keep on striving for the future. No longer is it survival in our harsh, cruel world, but it'll be "thrival" if that makes any sense. You don't survive as a legacy but you thrive for the best. If there is any thing I have learned from Mr. H these past few weeks it has been this, we must thrive, no longer is it a question of survival.

In conclusion, I am a Latina and Mexican. I am also a first generation legacy that has a thirst for thrival not to simply survive and get by. Or maybe I am just me that has been forced to associate herself with a particular ethnic group or nationality. Can this be the journey that maybe I had to embark on when I entered college? Or is this the beginning of a life journey that I just realized that I've been on?

Grades

So I just got the first batch of grades:
A Survey Literature Spanish
A Latin American Contemporary Short Stories
B Spanish Linguistics

a freaking B!?!? I am very ticked off by that B, linguistics was a joke and I get a B, I mean a B!?! ugh...not what I expected.

What does it mean to be "Mexican"?

From about the 1870s until the mid 1900s, in Latin American there existed two words that referenced someone who was above their culture, specially one who associated themselves with Europe. These two terms were: "afrancesado" and "galicismo mental", both refer to someone who is from Latin America but somehow does not "mentally" fall into the category of thinking like a latin american. I feel that somehow I fall into both of these words. It wasn't until I left for college and started to take Spanish courses at Georgetown that I realized the true importance of my culture, maybe that's why you leave for college to realize your true self. Point being here that it really wasn't until I was in Spain and Europe that I grasped my own cultural identity and it took in deeply. Now as I find myself back in Mexico after almost four years of being away I find myself contemplating what it means to be "Mexican." Many of the Latin American writers left their home country to visit the US or Europe, or both, then returned to their respective country to continue writing. However it was on their voyages that each writer realized the importance of their culture and country. I feel often times that somehow I emulated one of their voyages in going to Spain to study. Now I find myself

My mother is from a small town in Jalisco, Mexico known as Ahualulco de Mercado. Actually I think now its becoming a small city because its quickly becoming populated and urbanized. The way I dress, speak and act does not reflect any customs held here in Mexico. If anything I think it reflects the bourgeios part of Mexican society. Personally I don't find wearing heavy makeup attractive, but of course we are all different and unique, some love it, I don't, which is perfectly fine. However, I find myself feeling like an outcast because yesterday as I went out for dinner with my family that I was clearly not from "here" and I was from another strata of Mexican society. Oddly enough, part of that strata that is almost nonexistent here: the middle class. Back to the point in hand: the way I dress is not "urban" by any means and more preppy and refined, probably has to do with the fact that I attend Georgetown. (Somehow this rubbed off on my ways of dressing.) I really do wish I could be accepted as a Mexican but I'm not and probably won't ever be. Also the biggest indicator that I'm not from these parts and that I don't speak colloquial dialect of Mexican Spanish is that I keep using phrases and idioms that are only pertinent to Spain. I try not to, but somehow its been ingrained into my head. So I say frequently, "vale," "movil," and "venga". Instead of "celular," "okay," and "andale."

Even as we went into Guadalajara today I still felt out of place. I still felt an outsider. My uncle took me today to the Cathedral, which is gorgeous! I loved being able to see the Cathedral for myself and analyze it with my eyes and hands, versus learning about it in my art history class. He also took me to El Teatro Degollado which was edified in about the mid 1800s. It is a gorgeous theatre. We then proceeded to find these really cool looking chairs by a government building. We ended the day with some window shopping at San Juan de Dios, which is this huge market where you can buy anything from food, vegetables, to shoes to artesanias to even animals. I hope to go back by the weeks end because I saw a few things I want to purchase to take back as gifts.

Maybe I won't ever be "Mexican" enough or just "Mexican" maybe I'm supposed to be "Mexican American". I really don't like to label myself but it seems as if in our world we have this urgency to label who we are in order to categorize and organize ourselves better. Let me attempt to label myself: woman, 21 year old, college student, Latina, Mexican, American, feminist, runner, bibliophile, daughter, sister, library worker.....and the list goes on. I'm sure I'm missing a label or two in here somewhere, but no matter how I try to look at myself I will always be labeled by one person one way and another way by myself.

So what then does it mean to be "Mexican"? I still don't understand what it would take for me to be called a true "Mexican." Or will I never be called "Mexican" because I was born in the US and don't know all the customs that make a Mexican a Mexican. Even though I feel as if I do everything that is Mexican. I mean I am Catholic, I don't mind being a domestic, or is it the fact that I have studied and read about Mexico from an outside perspective? Is this what makes me not a Mexican? I guess this will always be a paradigm of mine, will I ever be Mexican enough for all? I Know some will be like oh there goes that Mexican and to others I won't ever be Mexican enough. Maybe the question I should really be asking is do I think I'm Mexican enough? Because if that is the correct question I should be asking myself, then yes I believe I am Mexican enough.

Made it!

After a short 2 and 50 minute flight I arrive at Miguel Hidalgo International Airport in Guadalajara. I was very happy to have seen my mom and sister and uncle there waiting for me. oddly enough my mom thought I had arrived early because my little sister said they had gone to go look for me at Starbucks. Ahhh....she knows me very well. I am now in a "ciber" aka internet cafe. So I wont be able to post every day, but I will try. Tomorrow we are hanging out in my mom´s town, then Monday we´re heading out to Guadalajara for some shopping. I always forget something when I travel, this time it seems as if I have forgotten to pack shirts. Yes, I am brought like 2 or 3 shirts heeh....yeah im lame, but whatev. I´m sure I can get by on the dresses I brought with me. But of course I´m going to pick up some new stuff in GDL, I mean how can you not?!? LOL.

Anywho....it feels great to be back. I have been eating non stop since arriving here. I swear all that picky eating is going to go down the drain here!!! hehe. FOr example yesterday, I have huevo con chorizo, a quesadillo, countless tortillas and oj for breakfast. Chorizo is a type of spicy sausage, that I ABSOLUTELY LOVE!!! Then for dinner I have a huge bowl of pozole (type of soup), tostada and whatever my little sister didn´t finish. hehehe. yeah i know im a fatty. Also it has begun to get the looks that say: "she´s from the North (the US)" and the infamous (AND I DISLIKE BEING OBJECTIFIED THIS WAY) whistles as I walk alongside my mother. Ugh....it really does bother me. I´m not sure I can do much about this at all actually.

I cant wait to go to Guadalajara on Monday because means that:
1. buy books
2. buy fabric and sewing materials
3. buy clothes
4. visit family
5. eat some more good food

AN hour and 20 minutes

As I sit here at LAX waiting for my flight to depart I am still writing/finishing up my paper that was due at 12am last night. Yeah I know, its late, whatev'. Senioritis. I've started to contemplate this past semester and everything that has gone on. Tonight I had dinner with my sister and her husband. They took me to my fave Mexican restaurant over in Inglewood: Tarasco. MMmmm it was sooo good! Let's say my plate was clean after 1o minutes. hehe, so much has happened these past few weeks, that I'm still trying to process everything. I mean I don't even know where to start. I think this is the first semester I've actually started to paying attention to what I WANT, yes what I and Only I want. Its also the first one where I've really embraced the new me. THe Me that I discovered in Europe. The me that isn't afraid to take a risk or do something out of the usual. Me who likes to party until the dawn, yes I like to dance and drink until the sun comes up. good times of course. I've begun to embrace the fact that I am gorgeous and a lady for the fact that I respect myself and carry myself with respect like no other. I guess you could even say that I am becoming a woman by being myself and being true to my heart and what I want out of life. This past semester I did things I told myself I'd never do my life, because it was wrong, but you know what it felt good. It felt good to let go of expectations and just enjoy life. It felt great to try new things, hang out with new people and get to know old acquaintances a lot better. 

I've also had some amazing, intriguing conversations with a person I never thought would even really look at me a girl, much less as a woman. Turns out my friend and I share a lot more than I had ever thought. I feel like for once I've met someone, another colored person who knows where I'm coming from, who understands my struggle and knows what it feels like to experience what I am experiencing. I am truly grateful for this person. This person has also made me realize so much more about myself, without any of the messy stuff. I'm starting to believe that maybe God gives us the strength at random times in life so that we can make sense of everything going on.

I feel like for once in my life I am truly happy. I am at a place that I want to be. The end is near and I can almost touch it. I know the last 15 weeks will be a push for the end, but I need to do it. I am almost done. I got my class ring yesterday. its gorgeous. I think it will be a good reminder to hold and wear throughout next semester. Especially when those days get ugly and lonely. I will be taking another horrible 18 units, but I will make the best of it. Only think positive thoughts and be strong and not let the man get me down. Because I CAN DO IT. and I WILL DO IT! 

This past semester I feel as if I have come out of my shell and have become more comfortable with myself in every way possible. I have also burst through my shell and tried new things that I never thought possible. I'm sure some in my family disapprove but it doesn't matter. I am happy, like really happy. I think my happiness might be the root/cause to me laughing constantly and never being able to stop. Its okay though, as Mr. H said the other night, Laughing is good for the soul. I think it is. I still can't recall the last time I laughed almost every day. Its almost as if the laughter is curing my soul of the sadness and loneliness that I've kept inside for a while now.  Maybe this is the purging of my soul in a new way. Maybe this is causing me to "glow" as Miss Ashley says or it might be Mr. H? Who knows. But whatever is causing me to laugh at life and live it, it is a good thing. Maybe this is what I needed. Maybe this is the good way to end this year and to start a new one. Only time will tell as to what will happen with everything going on. 

You might get a kick out of these...

Look what I found at mom's.....


Enjoy!

Only 37 hours and then I'm out, again!

For the first time in days, maybe even the past few weeks I was in bed last night at 8pm(11pm East Coast time). And I had even had a huge thing of a machiato. I also have a mild cold. Boo to that. Funny thing is that my older sister said that Brianna left for Mexico also with a cold. That should be fun for mom, having two out of three daughters sick at once hehe. It felt good to sleep in my "own" bed, well sort of more like sleep in my sister's bed. Our cat is fatter than ever and still doesn't like to play or be petted. Silly kitty. He also likes to lay by the heater and nap, must be nice to do that.

I still have yet to start my Spanish paper, yeah I know I'm bad. But I'll get it done today!! I have no choice but to finish it today. Its an easy paper though. I'll eat some breakfast bust out Frida and write! Just write for 5 pages and be done. This class is an easy A. I mean I think my lowest grade in this class has been an 85. All other assignments have been a 90 and above. I also got an A- on my Spanish literature paper in which I had to analyze a poem of my choice. I mean what gives?! An A-?! As Mr. H said, A minuses are like a slap in the face. They are, they really are. Its like she wrote an amazing comment that I had done a great job at capturing the essence of the poem, especially since it is ONE of the HARDEST poems in Trilce. Whatever, I got my A in that class too.

I can't believe in about 15 hours I will be on another flight down south. Woot! Warmth! Yes, warmth! I was sad to discover that LA was cold and chilly like DC. I can't wait to see mom and sister after not seeing them since August. I also can't wait to eat all of my favorite foods. Mom said she'd have my favorite soup ready for me at home (Mexican home) when I got to GDL. Then i'll be spending break studying for my GREs and working on grad school apps. Yay! (NOT!) But I will try to have a good time with the familia and rest up, because next semester is going to be crazy!!!!!!!

Reserva 2003

I had forgotten what it felt like to have a good Spanish red wine until tonight. It was sooo smooth and crisp and mmmmm it just went down like bliss. I love vino tinto. I think all I was missing was a good steak to go with it, hehe. I totally did not even phantom that we would finish the whole bottle, much less finish it in less than an hour. I could totally go for some more now. I love the rush of drinking wine, its a feeling like no other. Its a heavy, deep sedation almost unique in how it hits you. Nonetheless, I totally made the right choice in purchasing the Reserva 2003. For those of you that don't know much, it means its been aged for about 5 years now. Mmmm...really good red wine!!! I regret not buying any more bottle. I guess that means I'll have to just walk down back to Trader Joe's to buy some more.

:)

You can never have enough vino tinto!

Separation anxiety

What do you do when you have spent almost every day with the same two people? I mean as in eat, drink, study, even sleep with those two people. What do you do when you have to be separated and go home?! Yes, I don't know what I'm going to do without Ash and Cyn over break. I guess I have to talk to my little sister.   :) 

But seriously......what am I going to do with myself!? I won't be able to text randomly about random stuff. *sigh* Winter break sucks. I think the longest we've been partially separated was Thanksgiving break. Man, I can just imagine how much time Ash and I will be spending together, seeing as I'll be living two floors beneath her. We've pretty much become inseparable this past semester, partially due to my absence junior year. 

Yes, I do have separation anxiety, but can you blame me? I mean I practically spend most of my free time with them. We eat together, drink together, grab coffee together, I usually crash on Ash's futon, etc....I mean how can you NOT have separation anxiety if you spend so much time with those two!?

Also, worried that I might not laugh so much, but then again that might be a good thing. Since every time I bust up laughing I get sidetracked and never go back to the original task at hand. But who knows, Mexico and time will tell all. 

I laugh way too much for my own good...

As I walked past Healy today at roughly 5pm, it dawned on me that this week is the last time I will ever see Healy Hall the way it is. I stopped momentarily in the walked to take a deep breath and ponder on this past semester. It makes me sad that I will soon be a second semester senior and in a blink of an eye everything will be over. I don't want it to be over. I mean I love Georgetown and the girls, but I also feel at times that I need to leave the Spanish Department and venture out to graduate school. Now I am at Saxby's drinking a medium roast coffee, which happens to be one of my favorites: Kona Blend. I just spent the last few minutes laughing quietly to myself. I'm pretty sure the people around me thought I was nuts or something to that extent. I just can't help but laugh at all the silly, dorky things my friends and I have done these past few weeks. I think lately I've been laughing way too much for my own good. It makes me feel really good and its as if there is no other care in the world. I think this last half of the semester I've really begun to enjoy senior year and stress less. I mean I still and will probably always stress out no matter what, but it is nice to not feel so stressed out. For example, tomorrow I have two finals that are within an hour of each other. I'm relatively stressed out only for IR, Spanish is easy. Just review my notes and readings and I'll be find for Spanish. Its just IR, ugh! I'm horrible at government courses. I'm so glad I'm just a minor and not a major! For IR, I will study and attempt to do my best, but at this point if I don't know it, no real sense in trying to cram. I can just continuously review and go through flash cards and become familiar with all the big topics that were discussed in lecture.

I'm sorta dreading going into class tomorrow to take the IR exam. I really don't know what to expect. Let's just hope luck is on my side.

/gwa-∂a-la-xá-ra/ /mé-xi-ko/

In exactly less than 5 days I will be in Mexico with la familia, but why does it seem like its still so far away!? I mean its this week! I'm catching the redeye into Guadalajara (GDL). Mother said either her or my Tío Chuy would be at the airport in the morning. Hopefully its mother, because quite frankly I can't really remember how my uncle looks. Last time I saw him I was an incoming senior in high school. Boy, it sure has been a really long time since I last went. I can't wait to go and be with the family. I wonder how the city has changed and my mom's town. Mom has mentioned that the last few times she's gone that the roads are in constant change and that the town itself is seeing itself being revitalized. So I'm excited to see this change.

I'm assuming we'll spend the weekend in the city, then go to her house on Monday or something. We'll be spending Christmas at my grandfather's house/my mom's house. When my abuelito passed away he left the house to my mom. I'm pretty sure the whole familia will be there. Most of my mom's family still lives in the same general area, which is nice because it makes visiting everyone really easy. 

Mother also said we are going to be taking a roadtrip over to Puerto Vallarta. My uncle just recently purchased a house there so we will be staying there for a few days to enjoy the beach, sun, and relaxation. At this point I really do need that relaxation because I've been so stressed this past semester. I also wouldnt mind getting a bit more color. I always feel like I'm too fair skinned for being Mexican. hehe. As Christian said last night, "Hand over your Latina card."

I just need to get through tonight and take my two finals tomorrow, then start my paper that's due Wednesday at midnight. I figure if I can get my quotes and research done tomorrow night then I'll be fine to write my paper on the flight home. No, this is not the first time I've done this, I used to do it quite frequently when I was in Europe. Do your work on flights. Also makes the flight go by faster. I can't wait, I'll be back in Cali on Wednesday afternoon!!! Just sucks that I have to be at the airport at 5am to catch an 8 am flight. Boo! Also, i need to call and schedule my Super Shuttle pickup. 

¡Mil gracias!

Yes, Miss Ashley.....thank you for all those crazy times this semester. I can't recall the last time I laughed so hard almost every day. Thank you for all those positive words and cupcakes when I fell flat on my face numerous times this semester. Thank you for hearing me out about Mr. H and he who shall remain nameless. Thank you for the push with Mr. H. God knows I probably wouldn't of done it myself. Hehe. But most of all thank you for being my friend and always holding my hand when I've needed someone to do so. I love you!!! Yes I do, its like your my sister from another mister who happens to live in Georgetown with me. :)

Finals are one big party

I had told myself that on Friday, December 5th would be the last night I would drink/party/have a jolly time before finals started. HA! That clearly went down the drain. Hehe, because I went to Tombs last night with some friends from Spain and of course you run into about 10-15 other friends from campus. Had an amazing time! Now sadly its time to get back to the books, studying and papers. I'm not sure why I spent Freshman and Sophomore year always studying and not going out. I was always stuck in the mode that my parents pay for my education so I can get educated, not learn to party and drink. Somehow between sophomore year and senior year I learned to appreciate life more and to live life more. Maybe it was spending a year abroad that really opened up my eyes to the reality of life. I was miserable then, never really enjoying what college was supposed to be. Now I feel like I am enjoying and living the college life. Even though I didn't really realize this until 2nd half of my study abroad experience. All I can do is to enjoy my second semester that I have left here at Georgetown.

And who said Communism was bad?!

I finally bought my Diana F+ camera today. I had been researching this camera for the past few weeks now. It is a replica of one mass produced in the 1980s in Communist Russia. Lomography was the producer. The concept behind this camera was to be the everyman camera for the Communist man. Its a great camera. I bought film for it and have begun taking random but hopefully artistic and beautiful pictures. Ashley and I spent about 15 minutes figuring out how to run the film, then we realized that we needed to insert the frame size to make it wind. Hehe, silly us. 

After a doing this successfully we wandered off campus to take pictures so we could then run down to CVS to the 1 hour photo developing. Sad news: CVS on Wisconsin and O does NOT have 1 hour photo developing. This made me sad, but I do not have the time nor the drive to really run down to the Ritz Camera store on M St tonight. I can always save it for another day in which I feel like being unproductive. So here is a picture of me with my new camera. I really do like it. I can't wait to take it with me to Mexico. Hopefully I'll be able to get some amazing shots. I just need to make sure that I buy lots of film before leaving the US. Because as I last recall film is still expensive in Mexico. 

This weekend is turning out to be relatively good, slightly unproductive, but hopefully I can change that tonight. Also, tonight is Pedrito's Christmas party...let's see how my Christmas sweater outfit goes! Gotta love themed parties in college.      :)

Off I go to write and revise my Spanish papers. 

Au revoir!

Quero falar portugues um pouco

Sem.....depois do muita trabalho que eu tenho com a lingua portugues, quero falar-la.

After 15 weeks of being miserable, I am now reading blogs in portuguese and enjoying it, like really enjoying it. Almost to the point that I wouldn't mind conversing with someone in this romance language. Also, I wouldn't mind going to Brasil and visiting the untourist spots to see o Brasil real.

Compliment of the week/day/night

Best compliment ever at the perfect moment: "You have a beautiful personality."

Totally made me smile inside and out.

Also made my week/day/night better. :)

Sad news

I am here to announce that on December 11th, Bettie Page passed away. She will be deeply missed. She has been my icon, my idol, my favorite 1950s pin up since I was in high school. I even wrote one of my American history papers on her status of being an iconoclast and the sexual revolution. I still can't believe she has passed away. I will definitely not forget her. I just thought of my costume for next year: I will be reincarnated as Bettie Page. She was 85 years old at her passing. 

May she rest in peace.

Twas the night before my CPS Final

Here I am sitting at a corner desk over looking the intersection of 37th & N Sts NW on a cold, stormy night. As I sit here studying for my first final tomorrow at 9am I am trying not to freak out about it. I've been studying/reviewing for the past couple of days. Its hard not to worry about my grade, then again all I need is a C to pass and graduate. I want to do well on this exam, because I have really enjoyed the last half of this course. Its been an interesting class. We've covered China, India, EU, US and British political systems. My favorite two systems have been post communist Russia and the Soviet Union. I'm not quite sure, but something about communism and post communist countries calls out to me. Maybe its the fact that its a regime that is not common or thought of in a positive light in the US. I will do well on this exam and I will not freak out about this final. I will hopefully get some sleep tonight. If not, I guess it means I can study more, right? 

Speaking of sleep, I was doing so well about two or three nights ago with sleeping early. Then last night, bam! I didn't fall asleep again until 4 am. *sigh* I need to get back on a normal sleep pattern. Maybe once I go to Mexico and put my brain on vacation mode I'll be able to sleep. I can't wait to spend break in Mexico. Mother says we are going to Puerto Vallarta for a few days. I can't wait to just lay on the beach and drink a pretty little drink, or even Tecate or Corona will do. I just need some sun in my life and relaxation. My little sister and I are uber excited about going together to Mexico with my mom. She wants to go to the Zoo and visit other places in Guadalajara. Meanwhile I want to visit the Cathedral and various sacred spaces. Big difference, huh? My little sister and I are like night and day, very different, but I love her to death. If anyone ever messes with her, then they gotta mess with me (and trust me, you don't want to mess with me!)

I just can't wait to eat all the yummy food!!! And spend Sundays en la plaza con mi familia. Go to the ranch, hopefully ride a horse! Go for a walk along the river/creek. Eat my aunt's yummy homemade tortillas. Go shopping for a new leather purse. :) and possibly new boots. Yay! Break is going to be a good one. One well spent with my family, I hope. Just sad that I'm going to miss my little brother's WInter Formal dance! He's on court!!! can you believe that!? He's on court!!!!! Woot!! I'm so proud of him. I'm very proud of both my younger siblings, they are so much more outgoing than I was in high school. I am also happy that my parents are allowing them to go out, because I was never allowed to do much in high school other than run and academics. Oh well, that's life. Gotta love life. Otherwise it becomes a dark, gloomy place. 

3:04 am

its official.

i need sleeping pills. sad thing is that i had some but gone, therefore i need to go back to Spain/Europe. 

Ugh.

I miss it so much. They say you always miss the place you were last. Oddly I miss Cali but not even like I do Spain/Europe. One day I'll go back and eat all of my favorite foods and drink all of my drinks. *sigh*....nostalgia sucks!!!

The best things in life

The best things in life are the small things.

Having lunch with your friends.

Coffee runs.

Sushi.

Music.

Partying with your friends.

Food.

Gossip.

Studying with your friends.

Family.

Friends.

These are the best things in life. Not how well I do on my exams. (I mean these are important to pass and do well on but I've learned that the greatest lessons in life that I have learned have been outside the classroom. I've grown so much since freshman year. I'm not quite sure how or when, but I'm not the same girl I was 4 years ago, and that is a VERY GOOD thing. Change is good, its necessary.)

The best things in life are those that I share with the people I care about and love deeply.

I'm not ready...

I'm not ready to pick out my diploma frame/display. Mother is making me pick it out tonight. I'm not even ready to process the fact that I'm halfway done...**sigh** Three choices is far too many.

Besties

Realized that my last blog said nothing of my Besties.

Ashley: This girl has been there since freshman year. What can I say? She's my know it all on China and Asian country travel. I love that she cares deeply about her family and friends. Always makes me laugh and brings a smile to my face on those crappy days. Also, makes the best desserts!!! 

Cynthia: I've barely known her since September but it feels like I've known her a lifetime. We always laugh and have an amazing time together. I love that we can party, drink and have a great time together. The marketing major that will one day probably work the ads for some of my favorite designers. :)

Amelia: we have some of the wildest stories together! She is a smart one!!! She'll be getting married next fall. (I wonder which one of us will be next?!) She's the political one amongst us.  I love her to death, has always been there for me.

These three girls have made me laugh so hard over the course of the semester and I wouldn't have it any other way. We have shared so many drinks and dinners at Martin's and Tombs. Its incredible also how much money I've spent at Martin's and Tombs. Hehe. Also so many random coffee breaks at Saxbys. I don't senior year to end because I know that at the end we will all somehow be separated and go off to own lives. I think we just need to schedule some sort of biyearly girl weekend so we can all reunite and not lose touch. 

Point of blog: I love my besties and I would not be able to get through life without them. :)

LYLAS

Response to Ashley and continuation of besties

So I mentioned Ashley in a previous blog and no this is not a bad thing. I love that her and my other girl friends are open and comfortable talking about sex. No we are not nymphomaniacs or obsessed with it. I believe that sex has become such a taboo in our American culture that its important to discuss it openly. I understand that sex is a sensitive topic and that it is a scared act to shared between two people. Reality is that most people in our generation are capable of having sex detached from emotions. This also isn't necessarily a bad thing. Human beings were created to be carnal beings, I mean isnt this why God gave us the ability to procreate? I had an interesting conversation about this topic the other morning with a very good friend of mine. It was actually refreshing to hear a male's perspective on sex and how our culture has shaped sex the way it is. I am not for "hook up culture" that is present and rampant on the Georgetown campus, but if you enjoy that then more power to you. Next semester I will be a part of the Vagina Monologues on campus. I am proud to be cast in the introduction. I feel that it is necessary more than ever to have a woman's voice be heard about how we feel about our own reproductive organs and body. I for one am proud to be a woman, even though I have not always felt comfortable or enjoyed my body. I am learning to embrace my own body. IF there is one thing I learned while living abroad was to step outside of my comfort zone and pursue something new and bold. I think I have been more bold and daring these past couple months, in pursuing what I want without really worrying about much. This of course can bring consequences but for now I'm going to live and enjoy senior year. I mean this is my last year of being a quasi grown adult, even though I'm by no means ready to be grown yet. 

Back to the topic on hand, sex is also overrated in our society. Its amazing how fast sex sells in our media, fashion, and world. I often wonder how successful would beer and alcoholic companies be if they weren't allowed to utilize sex in their advertising campaigns? Sad truth is that sex will always be in our faces and shoved down our throats by external forces, ultimately it is up to us to either embrace it or learn to deal with it. I know that the day that I decide to start a family and raise my children I will be forward with them and present all the information possibly. I wouldn't want them to have sex at a young age, but the reality is that it happens. Therefore, I want to at least be able to equip them with all the knowledge possible about sex, STDs and relationship. I feel that the more you know about an issue or topic the better choices you will ultimately make and you'll also feel better about them. 

So no...Ashley its a good thing that you talk about sex. It keeps our conversations real and in real time. :)

Sex is what it is .

Recap of last weekend of 1st semester senior year

FRIDAY:

1. Pay day...need I say more?

2. Found out I wasn't sick! WOooohoooo!!!

3. Party at Reg's place

4. I was able to drink because I wasn't on antibiotics.

5. I was assigned housing on campus next semester!

6. Had an amazing time!

SATURDAY:

1. Studied for most of the day.

2. Did laundry

3. Saw the fight at the Black House

4. Had more drinks

5. Studied in LAU til 3am

SUNDAY:

1. Auditioned for the Vagina Monologues

2. Walked to Trade Joe's with Ash

3. Bought an amazing 2003 bottle of Vino tinto from Spain, its a Rioja. (Red wine from an excellent wine region). {I plan on drinking this bottle next week on Tuesday once I'm done with finals.}

4. Cooked dinner with my friends and chilled.

5. Studied until 4am and worked on graduate school proposals.

6. WAS CAST FOR THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES

I can't wait for next semester. This past weekend was such a good weekend.

Reasons why I love my best friends

1. We are loud and more than likely obnoxious around others who are not part of our circle.

2. Ashley likes to talk about sex openly.

3. We all always seem to have the most inappropriate discussions about sex in public.

4. They make me laugh.

5. They make me drinks when I need them.

6. They spend the night to make sure I don't die in an alcohol induced sleep.

7. They make me laugh.

8. They make me laugh.

9. They crack me up. (In a good way)

10. They always have a bed, futon or floor I can crash on. :)

Insomnia much?!

I can't recall the last time I went to bed before 2am on weekend much less on a school night. I seem to be unable to fall asleep before 2am, much less remain asleep for the whole night. So here I am in the library again at 2:02 am attempting to get some studying done, since if I was at home I'd be tossing and turning in my bed. I figure why not try to get some school work done if I can't sleep. However, this in itself is proving to be futile, as well. I feel so antsy and anxious. Perhaps its the near future that has been worried and stressed. I'm almost done with my first semester of senior year, then once I come back from break I have nearly 15 weeks before I walk across that stage. Or it might also be that I am concerned about my future. The future looks so bleak for us recent graduates. The work force seems to be dwindling right before my eyes. Every day it seems as if maybe finding a job abroad would prove to be more useful than one domestically. I should be studying for my Spanish exam but I can't seem to focus enough to do so. So now I am trying/writing my proposal for graduate school. I have decided to apply to the University of Maryland @ College Park. Upon reviewing their Graduate Studies website the Spanish Masters' program has captivated me. They have such amazing faculty!!!! Not to mention tuition is only about $10,000 a year for out of state tuition. So I feel like I have so much on my plate, not to mention I have to find a day to take my GREs. Even though I have plenty of time to complete all tasks at hand it feels impossible to finish everything at hand.

When things fall together

On Friday I found out that I have received on campus housing for my final semester at school. This made my day 10 times better! I'll be in Copley, which is the same dorm as Ash.....love it!!!!!! This also means we prob won't get much done hehe....oh well. :) Also, it was payday.....and I found out that I never had scarlet fever. My lab results came back negative and it was so great to hear that voicemail saying that I was good to go. I guess I just had a severe massive allergic reaction. ugh.....I don't understand how I'm so sensitive to a lot of things. 

Friday was so much fun. Christian's going party was crazy!!!! Definitely 2nd best year as an undergrad, the 1st best year being my year abroad. :) Philly Ps at 3:30 am is the best!!!! Met lots of new people. Then Saturday we watched the Fight at the Black House...sad to see De La Hoya lose, but statistically speaking the odds were against him. Ramses, Andrew and I proceeded to go study at 12am in the library because we have so much studying/assignments to complete. Well actually more like Ramses, I was there for support and research for a paper and grad school paper submission. 

As for today, I'm auditioning for the Vagina Monologues with my bestie Ash. I'm thinking of reading "My Short Skirt" it was the only one that spoke out to me. Of course this does not make the final reading that I might do if I get selected. 

So for once this semester things appear to be going well. Maybe everything will be alright. I guess now I just have to enjoy the last 10 days for fall semester of senior year. I still can't believe how this semester has flown on by!!!!!!

Its 5:15 am

Its 5:15 am and I'm still in the library. Sad, isnt it? DIdn't think I'd see this day come this whole semester. I've gotten to the point where my vision has started to blur a bit because its so late and I'm exhausted. At least I got my proposal done for my Spanish term paper. I also finished my linguistics assignment that was due at 3:15 Wednesday. I didn't turn it in. Turns out I have scarlet fever. Yes, I know, Scarlet fever. It sounds worse than it is. All scarlet fever is strep throat. So I have a strain of bacteria that causes strep throat. This strain releases exotoxins which apparently I am allergic to. This is in turns caused me to break out in massive body rash. My doctor explained to me that the rash itself is not contagious and only my strep is. So unless you kiss me you wont get what I have. I've been taking my antibiotics and predisone to help with everything and it has. I feel so much better now. I'll be done with my round of medicine on Saturday. I also have benadryl to help with the itchy and redness of my rash. Its just soooo embarrassing to have scarlet fever. I mean how do I get this? I mean I know I'm prone to get the weirdest illnesses but I never imagined I'd get this. My older brother was making fun of me and its said I wouldn't be allowed to hold his baby boy for fear of spreading my diseases. Sadly....more than true. i always either have a cold, or an infection of some sort. I blame this on Georgetown and the lack of no rest I get. Its tough to get the right amount of sleep, rest, and fun in with the environment here. 

Okay...its 5:30 i think its time I walked myself on over to my house in Burleith......Good morning!