AN hour and 20 minutes

As I sit here at LAX waiting for my flight to depart I am still writing/finishing up my paper that was due at 12am last night. Yeah I know, its late, whatev'. Senioritis. I've started to contemplate this past semester and everything that has gone on. Tonight I had dinner with my sister and her husband. They took me to my fave Mexican restaurant over in Inglewood: Tarasco. MMmmm it was sooo good! Let's say my plate was clean after 1o minutes. hehe, so much has happened these past few weeks, that I'm still trying to process everything. I mean I don't even know where to start. I think this is the first semester I've actually started to paying attention to what I WANT, yes what I and Only I want. Its also the first one where I've really embraced the new me. THe Me that I discovered in Europe. The me that isn't afraid to take a risk or do something out of the usual. Me who likes to party until the dawn, yes I like to dance and drink until the sun comes up. good times of course. I've begun to embrace the fact that I am gorgeous and a lady for the fact that I respect myself and carry myself with respect like no other. I guess you could even say that I am becoming a woman by being myself and being true to my heart and what I want out of life. This past semester I did things I told myself I'd never do my life, because it was wrong, but you know what it felt good. It felt good to let go of expectations and just enjoy life. It felt great to try new things, hang out with new people and get to know old acquaintances a lot better. 

I've also had some amazing, intriguing conversations with a person I never thought would even really look at me a girl, much less as a woman. Turns out my friend and I share a lot more than I had ever thought. I feel like for once I've met someone, another colored person who knows where I'm coming from, who understands my struggle and knows what it feels like to experience what I am experiencing. I am truly grateful for this person. This person has also made me realize so much more about myself, without any of the messy stuff. I'm starting to believe that maybe God gives us the strength at random times in life so that we can make sense of everything going on.

I feel like for once in my life I am truly happy. I am at a place that I want to be. The end is near and I can almost touch it. I know the last 15 weeks will be a push for the end, but I need to do it. I am almost done. I got my class ring yesterday. its gorgeous. I think it will be a good reminder to hold and wear throughout next semester. Especially when those days get ugly and lonely. I will be taking another horrible 18 units, but I will make the best of it. Only think positive thoughts and be strong and not let the man get me down. Because I CAN DO IT. and I WILL DO IT! 

This past semester I feel as if I have come out of my shell and have become more comfortable with myself in every way possible. I have also burst through my shell and tried new things that I never thought possible. I'm sure some in my family disapprove but it doesn't matter. I am happy, like really happy. I think my happiness might be the root/cause to me laughing constantly and never being able to stop. Its okay though, as Mr. H said the other night, Laughing is good for the soul. I think it is. I still can't recall the last time I laughed almost every day. Its almost as if the laughter is curing my soul of the sadness and loneliness that I've kept inside for a while now.  Maybe this is the purging of my soul in a new way. Maybe this is causing me to "glow" as Miss Ashley says or it might be Mr. H? Who knows. But whatever is causing me to laugh at life and live it, it is a good thing. Maybe this is what I needed. Maybe this is the good way to end this year and to start a new one. Only time will tell as to what will happen with everything going on.